Syazzinator

It's 2AM. I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe using this time to write would be great. Hey, I'm up thinking about you. You're too hard on yourself. I'm sorry I couldn't get my thoughts through most of the time. You're the best thing that happened to me. Nothing but a great son and a caring brother, a great husband for putting myself above anything. With the expectations and the weight over your shoulder, It doesn't mean you couldn't take a break to give yourself some space. In a few days I'll be home, hoping that could ease your anxiety. No more falling, okay? One step at a time, my love. I'm sure you'll get there somehow. I have your back. You have my words.

We're finally married! I'm feeling ecstatic. And yes, the date was randomly picked... I married the most important man in my life. He prolly doesn't know that. It was about 8 years ago when we first met; Took us long enough to get here. I get it's not a race. We had our share of tough times. Ah, those times kept me going. Can't number them emotional fights we had. We grew up so much from then, innit? What I learned most over the years is to be his friend, and he, mine. We're still good friends now, but like, maybe better. Sometimes I space out when he's talking, cause I didn't want time to stop... I couldn't have asked a better person who understands me inside and out. Thank you for marrying me. This is the beginning of a new chapter for us. I'm not quite ready to leave it all behind yet, but I'm sure it will be fine as long as I have you. You're a pillow to my soul namsayin? We spent all of adulthood toge...

It's a foggy Saturday morning. I figured this is a good time to write. Not sipping coffee or anything. Past few months were full of surprises and a lot of confusion. You know, like the bad kind. If I start listing them down I'd come off as whiny. Meh, I'll pass. I constantly feel empty on the inside, not sure if it's discontentment or just feeling lonely. I'm betting on the latter. And with that, I've been lacking inspiration to write. Maybe I'm already dead on the inside. Hopefully I'll have something to say in few months time. Hopefully, it's something good this time.

You fill in the hole in my heart. Maybe I was so used to losing all this time, You make feel like I'm winning for the first time. I've known it for awhile now; You're irreplaceable. And this is for you. I know you're at your lowest. I know you're thinking; "It's impossible to go on." Just remember, My hands are for you to hold. Don't fight this alone. No matter how rough things get, I will never give up on you. I know this because, Nobody can ever replace the loss If ever I lose you.

What was happiness before you came? I find through rain and sad songs. After you, It's been sunshine and storm, But never alone. And I am grateful. The way your hand fits mine, The way our fingers intertwined; It was a steady hold. It was that storm that hit us, In ways we didn't think, We were naked; Unprepared. A hand that reaches out, Without a hand to hold; It was not long until it rains and sad songs. Now I stand alone again. Find me where it rains, I'd take the same road with you, Even for a thousand years, I'd do it all again. I'd still choose you.

Being with you is like waking up to dawn at sea, Some days are like finding hair in your butt, While some days... Let's just say it's like being hit by tsunami. This is not a beautiful relationship. Like my life, I spend more time in a bad place than I do in a good place. Since it gets me where I am today, I wouldn't regret a thing. I got through bad days I got through good days But none of that without you. I don't spend so much time bragging about you (Which is fine) My friends probably think you're a bad partner, Or they would think we don't love each other; because I spend so much time gushing over hot celebs. Some days I admit, I want to tell the world how deeply grateful I am for you. I t's impossible to write down the things we went through but ok I am hoping If God is to give me bad news, He'll keep me being content, Just as I am now. I am hoping somehow, Somewhere among the stars, It is you written for me.

I would avoid this topic at all cost when asked. But how long can you really run? Recently, I've been hit with questions and remarks that I find unpleasant to talk about. If you happen to know me personally, You'll understand what I mean. (Not that I like opening up) An old friend actually asked, "What are you planning to do with your life?" Then he continued, "Oh wait your job just reminded me you won't be able to do much." "I don't think you'll ever grow staying in that environment your whole life." "I guess you'll be stuck there for the rest of your life." There are a lot of things to consider before saying that: 1) You have money 2) You have money 3) You have a lot of money So why impose your life on other people when you know that not a lot of people can afford what you can? Personally, I've always been envious of the wealthy. They could practically buy their way thr...

Hearing your laughter is like placing ice packs on a bad sore. It feels real. It feels good. Ironically, we aren't always like that. We disagree on a lot of things. Food, movies, food, timing. And you know, More food. Some days you act like acid on wounds; Really mean, almost brutal. Haha I don't mean violence. Truthfully I get reminded a lot for those days. It's okay, though. Sometimes we lose ourselves, We don't know where we're headed. I'm just grateful to be wherever you are. That sums up our relationship; It's not perfect but it feels right. Tell me more good things in the future. I'll be looking forward to that. P/s: Please don't try to touch my pimples so you can name it after yourself.

I know, When you realized you're in fact falling for me, You'll think I'm the one That there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Well you're wrong. Everything is wrong with me. Please don't think I'm a great person. In few years time I will be your greatest disappointment. You know what the best thing is? This is the truth. I am going to tell you the truth before you regret dating me. I'm a child, I whine, I cry a lot. You'll probably give me a lot of love at first. You'll hate me in few months time. You'll think I'm funny, perfect, adorable, Boy, over time I promise you will change your mind. When you date me do know that I'll be emotionally dependent on you. I'll cry on your shoulder a lot. Please, Don't get sick of me. It's the one thing I can never change. I'm really sensitive. Not extremely, but really. Two different words there. Thanks. When you date me, Know that I will love yo...

Picture us in the rain Hand in hand Taking synchronous steps Towards our shelter You kept me warm While you freeze You played strong When I feel you shiver Perhaps You were the very thing I took for granted But know this; Without you Life is an aimless wander Through endless seas So take my hand Together in the rain We make our way Towards a lifetime

1716 days with you. Who would've thought we got this far? I've been getting a lot of questions lately. Of course, It didn't make me too happy being asked. You know, That obligatory 20-something question. Let's be honest, Whoever is certain about their future? I'm learning to be okay with it. I have to be reminded, Not everything has to be a competition. Baby steps. We'll get there eventually right?

When was the last time I hear certainty in your voice? "You deserve someone better" I heard you say. It felt strange Staring at you With the same affection. When was the last time You looked at me And felt glad? When was the last time You thought of me And felt love? I managed With all my might, "Maybe."

You're a secret I kept Far from truth. I was afraid, For I fell deeper, Unintended. They say with it, Comes a price. But I was a better liar; I did not heed. Heartbreak after heartbreak I begin to realize Even when you made him the world You cant make someone love you.

Your heartbeat fluttered The moment I placed my head On your chest It tickles, You said. I hear your hearty laugh, Those short breaths in between, Struggling to keep still. Thank you, I breathed. We laid still on the field, In the gentle blowing breeze. From the corners of my eyes, I watched you carve a smile.

There lived this boy In her heart, He speaks of freedom He speaks of courage As she looks at him With only so much love He was kind He was loved And he too, Had returned it "Set me free" He said one day There lived this boy In her heart, She felt it stopped As he goes away.

"Hey I really like you." Inside her, It felt like spring. The flowers blossomed, The petals pink. Except, She heard him say it To someone else.

I once wrote a book. In those pages, I wrote about hope I wrote about you. I found it again Buried in dusts After years of hiding. I remember now. In those pages, I wrote about your eyes I wrote about your lips. It was your touch I long for Above all. If again, I find myself Knocking on your door Will you let me in?

I'm the girl You held You comfort You mend Still I pushed A little more Until you find yourself In the corner I'm sorry I didn't mean to But you cant fix What's already broken I do I do love you Sometimes More than I Will you let me stay? In your embrace Be it bright or gloomy day Because in your arms That's where I let myself sink in And you? You're my anchor.

One day You'll miss the way he looked at you When he walks ahead, turns back And ask, "Aren't you coming?" You smiled and took his hand, Inside you knew "He would never let go." For a while you insisted. Smiles and laughter, Shouts and cries; You took what was less of him, You took all of it. And in that moment He was all of you. He went, After a while Somewhere between those cries You cannot remember. The wound in you Heals but in time Tearing all that's left of you. It was that moment You realized, You lost yourself.

Officially 22! Well, nothing much have changed. My bed is still messy. Last I checked, I'm still with the same guy. Improved my makeup skills though. Lost some friends, Gained new ones. And weight? Let's not talk about that. On the last days of my 21 years, I joined a dancing competition. Practised pretty hard. (Overestimated the possible weight loss too) Got some life advice from mum, Not that I haven't been considering. I love you mum. And dad, For always trying to make my day the best. I love you too. Then a boyfriend Who tries so freaking hard to make it happen. Yes he did, In strange ways, he did. For that I thank you. I must've put some pressure on you. So that's life, as it is. Happy birthday, self. I hope one day you'll make yourself proud.